The Kind Of Future You Deserve
by marianne-larsen
Summary: Seth&Marissa, FutureFic, Seth gets what he deserves


She stood there in shock. Her eyes wide open and her mouth had gone dry moments ago. She had to consentrate on breathing in order to do so. Seth stared back at her, as did Summer. Seth's face mirrored more or less her own, but Summer's was more embarrased than anything else. As if she wanted Marissa to just leave the room so she could get back to what she was already doing. Didn't she care? Didn't Summer care at all? Didn't Seth care? Who was she mad at? Was she mad? What happened now? All these questions came running through Marissa's head, yet no answers were even close to being made. She had no idea on what to say, what to do, nor did she know what she wanted to happen next. What she wanted for him to say. Maybe she wanted him to tell her how much he loved her and beg for her forgiveness and cry and moan until the end of days. Even better, she wished for it to be a dream. A bad dream that she could wake up from. Then she could walk into the kitchen and eat breakfast with Seth as she usually did and she could have laughed at the obsurdety of how real the dream at felt. That she had even worried about it. But it wasn't a dream. It was never going to be a dream. If anything, it would be a nightmare based on something real. Because this was real. This moment was real. Too real. And Marissa realised that she just had to get away. She turned on her heel and walked out the door, not bothering to close it behind her.

Seth swollowed. Hard. He saw her long blonde hair move from side to side as she walked steadily away from his view, away from him. He had lost her. He had just officially lost her. And over what? He didn't need Summer. He didn't want Summer, at least not over Marissa. He had just not known how to turn Summer down. It was as if it wasn't in his brain, he had never been thought how to do so. He just couldn't do it. Maybe he had felt that it was okay, because it was Summer, and noone else. Because anyone else, he would have managed to steer away from. But not Summer. He had, of course, not been easy to talk into it. Because she had to talk him into it. She really did. Her promise of Marissa never having to find out. How he owed her this much. How much she needed him for just a little while because she was feeling so alone. So lonely.

It was understandable that Summer needed someone. Her husband over the last two years had just been killed in a horrible robbery. It had been awful. His death so unneccesary, and to no good to anyone. He had been killed without reason. And now that had led to Summer killing Seth's relationship with his soon-to-be wife, Marissa Cooper. Well, maybe not so soon-to-be anymore.

Summer's feelings had gone numb after the death of Lucas. She couldn't be bothered to even feel slightly guilty. Wouldn't bother to apologise to Marissa. All she cared about was herself and to get herself something to make her live through another day. Had it not been for her 1 year old daughter Allison, Summer would have died the day after Lucas did. But she couldn't do that to Allison. She couldn't leave her. So Summer was out trying to find ways to make it through the next 17 years. Because when Allison turned 18, there was no need for Summer to be in her life anymore. At least Summer hoped so, because she couldn't stand the thought of living any longer without Lucas. Whom she already missed so much it was unbearable. But Seth managed to make her forget just for one moment in time. He made her feel like her life was yet to happen, that they were still in High School, searching for empty janitor closets or other places to make out until the bell rang only to decide to just skip school and go home to have sex anyways. And she needed that know, she really did. And she refused to feel guilty about it.

Marissa walked faster and faster. She wanted to run, to scream, to break down in tears. She even wanted to go to TJ and overdose, for real this time. But she wasn't going to do it. She was going to try to keep it as together as possible until she had come far, far away from him. Letting her mind think about why she was walking away, about what he had done made her almost burst with anger and tears started to from in her eyes. She tried to stop them but no such luck. Little lakes of salty water ran down her cheeks as she pushed the entrance door open and reached the outdoors. She wasn't sure if she was crying because she was so angry, or because she was so heartbroken. Whatever it was Marissa knew she had to stop it, because she couldn't drive like this. Why did she care, again? Maybe it wouldn't be so bad if she died like this. Died because of her fiiancee's betrayal. It would seem like a fitting punishment for the asshole. Then he could be sorry. Then he could cry and feel as heartbroken as she did. Then he could feel like the lousy piece of shit that he was. But Marissa couldn't do that. She wished it was because she couldn't do that to herself, but the truth was she couldn't do it to him. Oddly enough, she still felt her love for him shine through her anger. Wich only made the whole situation worse. Marissa really didn't want to end things with Seth. She loved their relationship, at least the parts where he wasn't cheating on her with Summer. Or who else he might have done it with earlier. But how could she not end things? It would be as if she was saying it was okay to cheat, giving him the green light to do it again. No, she would have to leave him. At once. It would be hard, but she'd get over it. Eventually. She hoped.

It had taken him a moment. A moment too long. But eventually Seth came back down to earth and realised what was at stake. Looking at Summer's careless expression he didn't bother to say anything to her about it. He just hopped in his jeans, threw on his t-shirt and ran down the hallway as he buttoned his shirt. "Marissa! Marissa! Wait! Marissa!", he cried out desperately. Odds were she was already long gone, but he couldn't just give up. As he reached the entrance hall he saw her throught the huge glass windows. She was sitting in her car, head slightly bent forward, hands covering her eyes. She was crying, and trying to make it stop. Seth carefully opened the doors, walking catiously towards her. He didn't want to make any sudden movements. Didn't want her to notice him before he was close enough to be heard.

Marissa was sulking. Crying. Sobbing. Dieing inside. Her car was dead silent. There were no sound except for her, the sound of her reaction to Seth's betrayal. She hoped for the crying to be over soon. At least for it to get to the point where she could control it so she could just drive home and be over with it. She heard the car door open and someone placing their ass on the seat next to hers. She looked up baffled.

Seth looked back into her blue watery eyes. They held such a sadness to them, a sadness he wanted to kill himself for having caused. Still though, Seth was at a loss for words. For what to say. "Marissa...", he started after a long silence. He didn't really know what to follow up with. Seth usually relied on his witty remarks, but this situation really didn't call for any of those. If anything they would just make the situation worse. And altough Seth seemed to have a habit of turning to those remarks when encountered with a pressing situation, he wasn't stupid. This called for either saying something meaningful or keeping your mouth shut.

Marissa looked at him. Waiting for him to continue, but he didn't. He just looked at her, obviously looking for the right words. Trying to read her face. Her sadness turned to anger and she carefully managed to make out a sentence between sobs. "What? What could you possibly have to say for yourself?". Her eyebrows was a frown. Her lip was shaking and her eyes were already red from crying. Her hair was a mess with mascara in it from Marissa wiping the make-up away from under her eyes and her cheeks were flustered with tears and make-up on the run. She was truly a mess on both the inside and the outside. Yet all Seth saw was the woman he loved more than anything about to leave him behind. Finally realising how much better than him she was. With every right to do so. What he had done with Summer was just wrong, plain wrong. And at this moment he wanted more than anything else in this world for it not to be true. For it to never have happened.

"I... I don't know... I, I love you Marissa.. I", Seth started crying himself, yet never taking his eyes off her. His eyes said of true regret, but it didn't matter, at least not to Marissa. It didn't matter how caringly his face was tilted slightly to the side, how he was begging for her forgiveness without even saying it out loud. It didn't matter how pale he looked or how many thousand tears were streaming down his face. It didn't matter that his face was about to break and that he looked completely heartbroken. And it also didn't matter how much it broke Marissa's heart to see him like this. How much she wanted to tell him it was okay, to make him feel better, to hold him and kiss him and for everything to be okay again. Because no matter what she said. No matter if she decided to forgive him or not, things would be ruined forever. Not a day would go by unaffected by these events. And altough the thought of leaving him seemed unbearable at the time she knew it was what she had to do.

"It doesn't matter Seth.", Marissa managed to keep her cool slightly. At least vocally. Tears were still rolling down her face, yet her face wasn't as trembling as before. She seemd to have made up her mind. She was set on leaving and Seth could tell there was nothing that he could do. Yet he wanted to try. To try his best. He couldn't just give up. "But it does Marissa. Look, I'm sorry, okay? I.. I.. please.. just.. don't leave me", he tried reaching for her hand but she quickly pulled it out of his reach. "Get out of the car Seth", she told him calm but angry. Seth just shook his head. None of the residents in the car really noticing how much his behavior resembled a four year old. "Get out, Seth!", Marissa screamed and pushed him towards the door. She felt the sudden urge rush over her, to get really, really far away from him. She got out of the car and walked around it, opening his door. She grabbed his arm and pullled him out of the car. Seth didn't know what to do. His heart breaking at the thought that this might be the last time she would touch him. Seth landed on his feet right in front of her. He looked at her desperately and she couldn't seem to be able to take her eyes away from his. Seth put his arms around her and she let him hold her for a few seconds before she realised what was happening. She quickly fought her way out of his embrace and he let her go, unwillingly. Out of desperation he pulled her face to his and kissed her and to his surprise she kissed him back for a second. But she quickly pulled away. And as he let her go a second time he just watched her. Defeated. He watched her shut the car door to where he had been sitting just seconds ago. He watched her walk around the car and get in behind the wheels. He watched her lock the doors and he watched as she looked at him one last time before she turned the car around and drove off into the distant. He watched her silently for as long as she could. And when he couldn't see her anymore he kept his eyes locked at the place he saw her last. Seth knew he was breathing, but it didn't feel like he was. He knew he was still alive, but he felt dead. He knew his heart was still beating, but it felt like it had stopped. And it felt like it would never start beating again. It felt like the eternities and the forevers had just disappeared. It seemed like the rest of his life would be spent living in this different zone. This paralell universe. This place where nothing mattered, but her. Yet she was no where to be found, forever gone. And what killed him the most was the fact that it was completely his fault. And he could have so easily prevented it. It wasn't as if it was a misunderstanding. Like he could make up an excuse that would make it seem like he did it for her. No, this was inexcusable. And no wrong or right could fix this. It seemed the only medicine could be time, but he knew that as time progressed she might forgive him and she might not forget him, but no way would she take him back. Why would she ever feel the need to? She would surely get over him, too soon, and then he would read about her husband in the newspaper and he would cry for weeks and weeks until he'd die of misery. That was how he pictured his future and that was the kind of future he deserved.


End file.
